I did remember and so it was. The dying man was my husband and home was where we were going, at his request.

I have been a nurse for more than 30 years. In this time I have worked in a variety of clinical settings. My most recent clinical experience was in home health and hospice. This role uniquely prepared me for the experience I was facing. In my professional life I have valued the lessons I have learned from my clients and this experience of caring for my husband at the end of his life was no exception.

For him, as for many Southerners, the symbols of caring were family, friends, and food. These three were so intertwined as to be almost inseparable in his mind. They symbolized a lifetime of caring and being cared for. At the end of life they provided the comfort he yearned for-the reminder of who he was. Surrounded by these symbols saying good-bye was at once more poignant and more human. In fulfilling his wishes I found comfort for myself. The country traditions of bringing food and staying to visit awhile nourished my spirit as well as his. Comfort was found in those age old rituals expressed by family, friends, and food. To be comforted, one did not have to physically eat the food. The spirit was nourished by the gift. This symbol of food to express caring is as old as man himself. However, in this turning point in our lives together I found a new appreciation for the comfort it could bring both of us, as well as our family and friends. By bringing food they could do something. Something tangible and at the same time symbolic. Something he had asked for. There is a saving grace in being able to do something positive at a time when there is very little that can be done.

As nurses we need to pay special attention when assessing the needs of our dying clients and their families to ask about cultural or family specific symbols of caring. In discussing this we create an environment for people to discuss what they consider important for end-of-life care for themselves or for others. This environment does not preclude any medical considerations such as pain management, but offers a human dimension meaningful to all.