Living alone was a way of life that I enjoyed. I appreciated my work and my apartment. I had a few close friends and only a few relatives in America. This was not a consideration until I became ill. After months of deterioration, I was eventually confined to my bed and dependent on my neighbors, a few friends, and my visiting nurse to care for my daily needs and physical care.
In the past, I had prepared for extended visits to my home in Germany. There were always so many things to do before I left: lists of things to be done at the office, give last-minute instructions, make sure the refrigerator was nearly empty and all the trash was out, stop the mail and paper, make arrangements for someone to mow the lawn and water the flowers. But, at this time of my life, I realized that I would soon be leaving my home for the last time. This time everything had to be in order!!
One important task I just had to do was to get to my safe deposit box. How would I accomplish this task? Although it took time, energy, and some creativity, my nurse made arrangements to have an ambulance take me to the bank. Everyone at the bank was most helpful and understanding. I was able to take care of some last-minute business that brought peace of mind.
Each time my nurse comes to care for me, we have a good visit. I often tell her how much I appreciate her professional and personal interest in me. As my illness progresses, I remind her that her usual goodbye, "So long, I'll see you tomorrow" may not be true. Both of us know that there may not be too many tomorrows left for me.
It is frustrating to know that there is still much to be accomplished and so little time. Also, I have to sit by and watch while others do those things for me that I once enjoyed doing myself. But, I know that my personal faith and being able to get all of my personal and business affairs in order allows me to feel content although the future is uncertain. This time of illness has provided a time to reflect on and appreciate the things that are most import to me.
Postscript: Miss G. was able to live in her home until her death. One important lesson I learned from her was the importance of being honest, not just using cliches, when greeting or saying goodbye to my patients.
Section Description
Author's Note: This vignette is one of a series from my memory book that records my experiences as a staff home healthcare nurse in the 1960s. I was Miss G.'s nurse during her terminal illness. This story is told as Miss G. shared it with me during our visits.