1. Le Poire Molineux, Beth PHD, LMFT

Article Content

The Solace of Slumber

And it is still


only within slumber


That I find a






of solace


An inviting seductress


Promising pleasant surroundings and fancifulness


For that moment when I glimpse your silhouette turning hastily 'round a corner


Never to be found




Or the moment when I'm enjoining your company and your playfulness


Even while knowing we are no longer married


But not remembering that you are really gone


Because you are alive


In my dreams


After all


Even though I know we are not "Together"


Or the trip I have been dreaming of for years


Even before you were "treatable but not curable"


Where we go to England together


And then you head home while I go to some strange foreign country I've never been to


A l o n e


And I don't enjoy travelling


to foreign places


A l o n e.


Then there are the millions of times I have to go back to school


To complete some requirement or other that I've missed relevant to some degree


(even from grade school - sometimes kindergarten)


Or I'm moving to go back to grad school


to attain yet another degree


as if that will take care of everything...


Or I'm late to teach a class and can't remember the time or the place


And I've forgotten my lecture notes


Or even when I do magically get there the class is unruly and out of control


Or the trip we are taking in the old Excursion


Where you are in the passenger seat


And I am in the middle row of seats


And there's no driver and we're moving fast


And being pitched from side to side


While we climb too fast to a place in the future where it's impossible to see


the destination


Or the dangers


on the other side


And suddenly the road runs out in a way that should have been the end for both of us


But somehow we survive


And try to get the car to avoid hitting


the multitudes


of mutilated bodies


that lie in heaps along the side


and in the middle of the roadway...


With no access to the brakes...


And even less to the steering wheel...


Everyone is dead


Everyone is dying




And then there are the battles and the bad people who rush the buildings


And make us hide in dark places


And threaten to expose the people we have killed


And the places they are buried...


And kill us in the process


If we are not to find the hidden stairway that does not exist


For IT does NOT exist...


Or what about the elevator that mysteriously inverts


Or the plane that rolls and threatens to CRASH


Or the ocean that SWELLS


And takes us out on amazing flight-like rides


With the












Even while threatening our high rise penthouse vacation condo


And taking us out far enough


To see beneath the sea to


The multitudes of whales and dolphins


That float lifelessly


Belly up


Not too far




the surface


Or the stairwells and jungle gyms that need climbing


And the all too familiar feeling of only being able to




















And then the insurmountable




that suddenly appears


And the familiar feeling of


d r e a d


as I realize












And this is where I find my peace


THIS is where I choose to heal


Where I would gladly spend all my days


While I get used








Beth Le Poire Molineux, PHD, LMFT, is Psychosocial Services Coordinator at the Outpatient Hematology/Oncology Clinic of Ventura County Medical Center in California. Her husband, Graham Molineux, PhD, died in October 2013 after being diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme in April 2012. "This is the love poem I wrote to him on our first anniversary after he passed."

Beth Le Poire Moline... - Click to enlarge in new windowBeth Le Poire Molineux, PHD, LMFT. Beth Le Poire Molineux, PHD, LMFT