Have you ever been leading a meeting or in situation where you wanted to get to a certain point but others wanted to get to another? Everyone has been there. It is natural to want to surround yourself with like-minded people so this does not happen. It may be comforting, it might even seem like a good idea, but it's not great leadership. The best leaders are not only capable of effectively leading those who hold differing opinions and perspectives, but they also thrive on it.
If unique perspectives, philosophical differences, and dissenting opinions are viewed as an opportunity as opposed to a setback, growth and development will surely follow. What I like to refer as "positional gaps" are best closed by listening to all sides, finding common ground, and then letting the principle of doing the right thing guide the process.
When a leader develops the skill to convert negative conflict into creative tension, they have found the secret sauce for developing high-performance teams. Mature leaders see individual differences as fuel for development, not as barriers to success. The goal of a leader is not to clone him/her, but to harness individual strengths for the greater good of the organization. This is best accomplished by respecting individual talents, not stifling them.
It is possible to build very productive relationships with even the most adversarial of individuals. Regardless of a person's original intent, opinion, or position, the key to closing a positional gap is simply a matter of finding common ground in order to establish rapport. Moreover, building rapport is easily achieved assuming your motivations for doing so are sincere. I have found that rapport is quickly developed when you listen, care, and attempt to help others succeed.
While building and maintaining rapport with people with whom you disagree is certainly more challenging, many of the same rules still apply. I have found that oftentimes conflict resolution just requires more intense focus on understanding the needs, wants, and desires of the other party. If opposing views are worth the time and energy to debate, then they are worth a legitimate effort to gain alignment on perspective and resolution on position. However, this will rarely happen if lines of communication do not remain open. Candid, effective communication is best maintained through a mutual respect and rapport.
In an attempt to resolve any conflict, the first step is to identify the specific areas of difference being discussed. The fact is many people are absolutists in that they only see things in terms of rights and wrongs. Thinking in terms of "my way" is right and therefore "other ways" are wrong is the basis for polarizing any relationship, which quickly results in converting discussions into a power struggle.
However, when a situation can be seen through the lens of difference, and a position is simply a matter of opinion not a statement of fact, then cooperation and compromise is possible. Identifying and understanding the differences allows people (regardless of title) to shift their position through compromise and negotiation while maintaining respect and rapport. The following perspectives will help in identifying and bridging these positional gaps:
* Listening leads to understanding.
* Respect leads to acceptance.
* Accepting a person where they are creates a bond of trust.
* Trust leads to a willingness to be open to: new opportunities, new collaborations, new strategies, new ideas, and new attitudes.
Over the years, I have watched many great leaders and have observed some key actions that each display. These actions are consistent with what we hear and learn about in leadership classes. I want to share these with you in hopes that you will find them useful in allowing you to transform tough relationships into productive relationships.
* Be Consistent: If your desire is to minimize misunderstandings, then say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow-through on your commitments. Most people don't have to agree with you all of the time, but they do need to trust you all of the time. Trust cannot exist where leaders are fickle, inconsistent, indecisive, or display a lack of character. Never be swayed by consensus that calls you to compromise your values, rather be guided by doing the right thing. Finally, know that no person is universally right or universally liked and become at peace with that.
* The Importance Factor: Not every difference needs to be resolved. In fact, most differences don't require intervention as they actually contribute to a dynamic, creative, innovative culture. Remember that it's not important to be right, and more importantly that you don't have to be right for the right things to be accomplished. Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict. However, if the issue is important enough to create a conflict, then it is surely important enough to resolve. If the issue, circumstance, or situation is important enough, and there is enough at stake, people will do what is necessary to open lines of communication and close positional gaps.
* Make Respect a Priority: Disagreement and disrespect are two different things, at least they should be. Regardless of whether or not perspectives and opinions differ, a position of respect should be adhered to and maintained. Respect is at the core of building meaningful relationships. It is the foundation that supports high-performance teams, partnerships, superior and subordinate relationships, and peer-to-peer relationships. Respecting the right to differ while being productive is a concept that all successful executives and entrepreneurs master.
* Define Acceptable Behavior: You know what they say about assuming ... Just having a definition for what constitutes acceptable behavior is a positive step in avoiding unnecessary conflict. Creating a framework for decision making, using a published delegation of authority statement, encouraging sound practices in collaboration, team building, leadership development, and talent management will all help avoid conflicts.
* Hit Conflict Head-on: You can only resolve problems by proactively seeking to do so. While you can't always prevent conflicts, it has been my experience that the secret to conflict resolution is in fact conflict prevention where possible. By actually seeking out areas of potential conflict and proactively intervening in a well reasoned and decisive fashion, you will likely prevent certain conflicts from ever arising. If a conflict does flair up, you will likely minimize its severity by dealing with it quickly.
* View Conflict as an Opportunity: We have all been taught that just about every conflict has the potential for a teaching or learning opportunity. Where there is disagreement there is potential for growth and development. You don't have to be the CEO to help the process move forward and lead. If you don't leverage conflict for team building and leadership development purposes, you are missing a great opportunity.
* Understanding the WIIFM Factor: We have heard it many times but understanding the other person's WIIFM (What's In It For Me) position is critical. It is essential to understand others' motivations prior to making decisions. It has been noted that one way to decrease conflict is to help those around you achieve their objectives. If you approach conflict from the perspective of taking the action that will help others achieve their goals, you will find few obstacles will stand in your way with regard to resolving conflict while still having the ability to achieve your objectives.
I encourage each of you to remember the influence you have on others. They are watching you lead, observing how you handle each situation, and learning from you. Your goal should be to develop your team into great leaders.
Finally, I ask that you consider becoming familiar with what Society of Trauma Nurses has to offer for developing in leadership and mentoring. Consider becoming a mentor or mentee in our Mentor Program, apply for the Leadership Institute, or consider volunteering for our Leadership Development Committee. Whether you are just beginning in your role or have been a leader for many years, your input will be valuable.
As John Quincy Adams once said, "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."